The Outline
Drew Millard
An open letter to my dog, who won’t come out from under the couch
Nora, please. Come out from under the couch.
Masks through the ages
More and more, it seems like a good idea to wear a mask when you go out in public. Here is some mask inspo for your perusal.
By Drew Millard
Area man not Joe Biden, despite tweets to the contrary
We talked to the comedian Brandon Wardell, whose recent tweets pretending to be Joe Biden became the subject of a Russiagate-style conspiracy theory.
There’s no such thing as “productivity” during a pandemic
Working from home isn’t going to make this any less scary.
Well, at least there’s golf
Coronavirus disrupts our lives more and more each day, but I can still take comfort in golf, which has survived, almost but not quite unchanged.
Time for some completely unhelpful game theory
Historical precedents and doomsday projections serve their purpose, but focusing on the worst-case scenario is a great way to make yourself sick with anxiety right now.
How freaked out is too freaked out?
It can be tempting to read every single coronavirus story being published right now, but too much information can be overwhelming.
Here are some happy websites to go to if you’re sick of reading articles about coronavirus
The outside world is scary enough right now. The internet doesn’t have to be scary, too.
Duke University told its students not to come back after spring break. What happens next?
Being on a crowded campus during the coronavirus pandemic is dangerous. But sending the student body home can create its own set of stressors.
Damn, my Robinhood is fucked
The recent stock market sell-off is especially scary when you have no idea what you’re doing.
The best tattoo is a random tattoo
“You get what you get” is a good life lesson and a great way to pick your next tattoo.
A Good Place: The only daily news podcast you need is from The Onion
‘The Topical’ throws the absurdity of being a news junkie into sharp relief.
My dad, the Joe Biden voter
Millions of people waited until the last possible moment before deciding to vote for Joe Biden on Super Tuesday. I talked to the first one of them I could find (my dad) to figure out what they were thinking.
A Good Place: A forum that cares maximally about cowboy boots
Only real buckaroos post on r/cowboyboots.
Bernie Sanders’s universal childcare plan would mean Millennials like me could start families
Don’t get any wild ideas about grandkids, Andy and Sharon, it’s just a blog post.
RIP Pop Smoke, who welcomed you into the exhilarating world of Brooklyn Drill
The 20-year-old rapper was killed on early Wednesday morning.
Bernie takes North Carolina
At a rally in Durham, NC last week, the Democratic frontrunner offered a new vision for how to flip a swing state.
A Good Place: I can’t stop looking at pickup truck ads on Craigslist
You can learn a lot about a person from the way they try to sell you a truck.
I’m Upset: Rich people should stop giving their kids long-ass names
For the love of Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O’Connell, please stop.
The myth of the “Millennial-friendly city”
Take it from me, the only thing that happens when a bunch of Millennials move to your city is that it will start to suck.
“Political Eminem” is the most embarrassing Eminem
The rapper’s single “Darkness” tries and fails to end the epidemic of gun violence by telling the story of the 2017 Las Vegas mass shooting through the eyes of the shooter.
If you could go to the moon for free, would you do it
The Outline investigates.
If I’m lucky I’ll be able to buy an electric car before I’m dead
There are a mind-boggling number of elements that factor into a vehicle’s price, and throwing a battery-powered engine into the mix makes things even more complicated.
The pains of being a picky eater
John Mulaney’s children’s special on Netflix manages to nail the social isolation that comes when kids are too choosy with what they eat.
It should be easier to fake your own death
I’m not saying it’s a good idea, but having the option would be nice.
Adam Sandler has always been a good actor
He just kept making critically reviled movies.
Oh my God, it’s DaBaby
We spent the day with the insanely popular Grammy-nominated rapper in his North Carolina hometown.
I’ve had enough of the Big Reveal
“Can you believe that [redacted] was actually [redacted] all along?”
There are no more fashion collaborations left
Can’t anyone just make their own thing anymore?
Your car doesn’t need a touchscreen in it
The Volkswagen SPACE VIZZION is the latest example of car companies betting it all on touch technology.
Does this $50 tuning fork spark joy?
Marie Kondo has started an online store, because she is a celebrity, and celebrities love selling you useless crap.
An undecided voter is probably listening to “Enter Sandman” right now
It turns out that people who don’t care very much about politics also aren’t that into music, either.
Car loans are designed to screw you
A third of car buyers who trade in their vehicle are underwater on their loan, leading to a never-ending cycle of debt.
A Good Place: Rocketing the oddities of the past into the present
The Public Domain Review performs the vital task of resurfacing and contextualizing the most interesting bits of history.
You gotta Louvre the Mona Lisa
‘The New York Times’ thinks that the most famous painting in the world sucks and crowds up the Louvre, but that’s the point of the Mona Lisa.
I’m Upset: Why do Millennials hate carpet?
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was telling us that hardwood floors were somehow authentic.
Who’s a good hound of war? Whoooooo’s a good hound of war?
It’s unethical for Donald Trump to use a dog as military propaganda.
Kanye West has risen — sort of
His Christian rebrand might be suspect, but Kanye’s gospel album actually finds some of the transcendence it promises.
This prediction market has Hillary Clinton in third place to win the Democratic primary
What the hell?
Don’t get crushed by your car loan
Americans are taking on more automotive debt for longer terms than ever before.
Bill Gates’s shitty ideas
A new documentary series on the Microsoft founder inadvertently exposes the problem with innovating our way out of public health issues.
A Good Place: Give yourself over to the chaos of Sirius XM
I’m late to the party, but satellite radio is the best accidental discovery I’ve ever made.
Tom DeLonge finally proved aliens exist
Thanks to the tireless efforts of the former blink-182 singer, we now know that UFOs are real.
by Drew Millard
Using a spoon to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is fine, actually
Maybe using a spoon is actually even better than using a knife? I don’t know anymore.
Riding a chauffeured motorcycle is the saddest thing a rich person can do
A moment in the new season of HBO’s ‘Succession’ highlighted a very real phenomenon that feels like the perfect metaphor for why the world is going to hell on a hog.
A superstar city is born
Everyone loses when cities compete to draw in members of the “creative class.”
Lexus is betting big on millennials somehow having money
The Lexus UX is a rich old person’s idea of what a rich young person wants to drive.
Freddie Gibbs makes magic with Madlib’s rejected Kanye beats
Freddie Gibbs and Madlib’s new collaborative album ‘Bandana’ might be the best hip-hop album of the year.
Topher Grace should only play villains
No actor captures the self-interested smarminess of modern evil quite like Topher Grace does.
I’m Upset: The only thing worse than craft beer is craft liquor
Take everything that annoys you about craft breweries and make it all 20 times more expensive.
Rome Ramirez don’t practice santeria, but he has been the lead singer of Sublime since he was 18
Meet the 30-year-old who’s been tasked with carrying on the legacy of the most famous ska-punk band of all time.
At last, an honest true crime podcast
The new season of the true crime parody ‘A Very Fatal Murder’ goes out of its way to remind the listener that every narrative podcast is ultimately about its host’s ego.
Having two dogs at once is way harder than having one dog twice
Who knew!
Uber has $132 million earmarked for settling lawsuits from its drivers
The company, which is now publicly traded, should really stop saying its drivers aren’t employees.
It’s all fun and games until the horse gets canceled
Donald Trump wants us to stop “horsing around” with all this political correctness stuff.
I made $15 betting on Donald Trump’s tweets (and you can too!)
PredictIt, which calls itself “The Stock Market for Politics” combines political punditry with legal gambling.
You should dress like a lunatic if you work from home
Work sucks, so you might as well inject a bit of levity into your day.
Daddy Yankee and Katy Perry have pivoted to ‘Boss Baby’
The future of music has a giant cartoon head on it.
The pee tape isn’t real, and other things we learned from the Mueller Report
Special Counsel Robert Mueller is done investigating Donald Trump’s dastardly deeds. Turns out Trump is an idiot.
The people behind @Ask_Spectrum are very nice considering everyone wants them dead
Basically the only thing good about Twitter is that it offers a more efficient (and possibly more human) way to get your internet turned back on.
Bernie Sanders is going full Larry David for 2020
The senator conquered a Fox News town hall by letting loose his sense of humor.
Jamie Dimon wants a kinder, gentler capitalism. Shut up, Jamie.
The CEO of JPMorgan Chase has some ideas about how to make capitalism a little nicer, now that the tide is turning against capitalism.
Justin Bieber’s journey into the wilderness has led him to the House of Drew
The 25-year-old pop star has used his time off from music to make a boutique streetwear brand that’s maybe kinda-sorta also a cry for help.
So the FTC won’t let ISPs be
The Federal Trade Commission has taken the first step in cracking down on the shady data practices of internet service providers.
We almost had an American Egg Boy
Recently released Secret Service records show that law enforcement stopped a guy from organizing a mass egg-throwing at Donald Trump’s inauguration.
There is a vast conspiracy to convince you Trump is good at golf
Donald Trump’s reputation as a good golfer is a house of cards, and I’m here to blow it all down.
Let’s all die on hover shoes
Remember hoverboards? Well, they’re back, and they’re way more terrifying now.
Relive the trashiest red carpet looks of all time with @NightOpening
Dispatches from Hollywood’s Golden Age (a.k.a. 1994 to whatever year the movie ‘Wild Hogs’ came out in).
It takes 10 minutes to file the necessary paperwork to run for president
I know because I signed our Culture Editor up as a write-in candidate.
I’m ready for my rat body, please
Scientists have figured out how to let people control rats with their brains. Think of the (very dumb) possibilities!
Republican children, please snitch on your parents
Relatedly, I wish my son, Lyle, would return my calls.
Insane Clown Posse is an American institution
Is there anything more heroic than never giving up no matter how often people say that you suck? No.
Roger Stone is only guilty of having fake friends
(And probably a bunch of other stuff too.)
Smash that MF’ing horny button
The LoveSync button, which allows couples to wordlessly express desire, is very easy to laugh at. It’s also probably not worth laughing at.
Cell companies lied to their customers about coverage, and the government believed them
The FCC is one step closer to acknowledging they have no idea who does and doesn’t have cell reception in America.
Time has not been kind to Tiger Woods
He’s a semi-sleazy aging legend who struggles to keep up with a sport that he refashioned in his image. At least Trump likes hanging out with him.
Memphis Bleek is the greatest professional sidekick in hip-hop history
Jay Z has spent literally decades treating Memphis Bleek the way Donald Trump treats basically everybody.
The best product recommendation websites, according to a guy who loves product recommendations
It seems like every media company is cashing in on their reputation by telling you what to buy. But whose brand can you trust to tell you about brands?
Facebook shouldn’t be the only 15-year-old allowed to do whatever it wants
Mark Zuckerberg broke the world and tried to cover it up. Then, he killed a goat.
Killer Mike has made the weirdest and most wonderful show on Netflix
Imagine ‘Nathan for You’, but starring an extremely friendly rapper trying to solve entrenched social issues.
A good place: History podcasts are the best podcasts
In which a podcast dedicated to Roman history inadvertently copies the history of Rome itself.
Before there were internet rappers, there was Canibus
The New Jersey MC created the template for how modern musicians conduct themselves online.
You are not above ‘The Masked Singer’
The ridiculous game show brings us into a brave new world of thinkpiece-proof television.
An Alexa in every home, a smart toilet under every butt
Let’s not think about what kind of data Kohler’s new voice-controlled Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet can steal.
Of course Mark Cuban is going to run for president
He’s rich, self-important, reality-TV famous, and a moron. Why wouldn’t he?
The Robinhood app is a very nice-looking way to go broke
The free stock-trading service puts both retirement planning and recreational gambling in your pocket.
America has royalty, we just don’t admit it
May’s Royal Wedding was a nice reminder that as long as you don’t give them a single iota of actual power, having a group of default famous people seems kind of chill.
Bitcoin was cool until it sucked
The weird internet novelty was killed by people who took it way too seriously.
For paper of record, yuppie migration patterns an evergreen concern
The best times the ‘New York Times’ was impressed that wealthy young people were leaving the city.
The best computer is one you hate a little
After a decade of MacBook hell, I entered the awkward and unwieldy world of Windows and love every second of it.
Ice Cube’s going to blow this whole Trump thing wide open
On his new album ‘Everythang’s Corrupt,’ the legendary rapper recasts himself as a member of #TheResistance.
Facebook ads are great!
(If you’re a conservative scammer.)
Tech companies won’t save your local economy
But they might sink our national one.
The killer robot arms race is upon us
Autonomous tanks, coming soon to a battlefield near you.
‘Jeopardy!’ is the only thing on Netflix worth watching
The cozy, quirky quiz show is the perfect program for the streaming era.
Climate change means we’re going to see more drunk animals
That seems... bad?
The mysterious Oumuamua is farting its way through our solar system
Dude it’s definitely aliens.
Is Amazon violating Europe’s anti-trust laws? Probably!
The internet’s biggest retailer is under investigation.
Jonathan Franzen is fine
Yes, America’s most famous writer made a bad list of rules for novelists. Who cares?
Post Malone is not worth defending
After a negative review of the rapper’s Posty Fest went viral, Post Malone and his dad teamed up to launch a harassment campaign against a journalist.
Did you even realize daylight saving time ended last night?
I, for one, did not.
Don’t let a robot stalk your babysitter
The AI social media-screening service Predictim has a very simple job that it appears to be very bad at.
The worst politician in North Carolina is proud of his gift to Gab
State Senator Dan Bishop authored North Carolina’s notorious anti-trans HB2 “bathroom bill,” tried to rewrite the law so that teachers could arrest their own students, and just so happens to have a $500 stake in the social network that loves racists.
Satan takes the blame for everything
A brief history of Satan and His non-followers.
By Drew Millard
An AI-generated portrait sold for half a million dollars and now I’m terrified of the future
Meet Edmond de Belamy, your new worst nightmare.
Nostalgia for Surge soda is the latest sign of our descent into decadence and decay
We’re riding a green, caffeinated wave into late-Roman Empire territory.
Netflix’s libertarian-fascist corporate culture is a hell no one deserves
The streaming giant weaponizes radical honesty to keep employees performing at the top of their game.
The earth’s magnetic shield is my new favorite noise musician
Listen as it reacts to radiation from a solar storm.
StarKist pleads guilty to charging too much for tuna
And also colluding with other canned seafood companies to keep tuna prices high.
The nation’s student loan debt crisis, mapped
We’re $1.5 trillion dollars in student loan debt, and the only way to get out of it is to take a high-paying job.
Facing mounting criticism from the right, Facebook has quietly ramped up donations to Republican politicians
Newly released FEC data shows that last month, Facebook donated to twice as many Republican campaigns as Democratic ones.
Behold, the national emojis of Finland
The Northern European country would like you to know that it’s the land of snow, socks in sandals, and getting drunk in your underwear.
The super-soldiers of the future might be mentally defective
Movement-enhancing exoskeletons cause soldiers’ bodies to move in ways their brains can’t handle.
Go outside. Now.
You are spending too much time watching Netflix.
Weezer rewrote Jay Z’s “Can’t Knock the Hustle” to be about the sharing economy
You literally cannot make this shit up.
Millions of workers are still feeling the effects of the Great Recession
(And other signs America’s economic recovery is a sham.)
Why can’t I buy the fake Mars dirt?
The University of Central Florida has created dirt that’s exactly like the dirt found on Mars. It costs $20 per kilogram.
It’s scarily easy to convince people to eat bugs
You just have to tell them it’s trendy.
Rideshare pyramid scheme to go public
Yayyo will be the first publicly traded company whose stock symbol is slang for cocaine. On a not completely unrelated note, they once paid Master P to make a song about them.
Kanye won’t go away, but Lil Wayne is thankfully back
Lil Wayne’s comeback album ‘Tha Carter V’ and Kanye’s non-release of ‘Yandhi’ are a reminder of the good and bad of celebrity eccentricity.
Live from the garbage: @trashcanlife is the best worst Twitter feed
Is this performance art? I’m pretty sure this is performance art.
iOS 12 is bad at charging your phone
And also bad at keeping your kid from playing too much Angry Birds.
Cuts to Medicare and Medicaid cause rural hospitals to close
So why can’t the government just cut out the middleman and run rural hospitals itself?
Exclusive: Read 147 pages of complaints about Elon Musk from Tesla investors
‘The Outline’ has obtained dozens of consumer complaints sent to the Securities and Exchange Commission related to Elon Musk tweets that got him charged with securities fraud.
Your smart TV might be mining Monero behind your back
And the NSA is to blame.
Read the FBI’s review of ‘The Anarchist Cookbook’
Spoiler Alert: They didn’t like it.
Ted Cruz does not live on Planet Earth
By attempting to ridicule Beto O’Rourke for his opposition to police brutality, Cruz is inadvertently giving his opponent a valuable platform.
Hangover IV drips aren’t all they’re cracked up to be
The FTC has charged an IV cocktail company with making false claims.
The 2008 bailouts inadvertently laid the groundwork for another financial crisis
We may already be seeing the warning signs.
A history of the internet, as told by maps
Sometimes going to the cutting edge requires reverting to the oldest tools around.
By Drew Millard
Dear Donald Trump, your hurricane vlogs aren’t helping
Sincerely, everyone currently being affected by Hurricane Florence.
This police report on a Kanye listening party is the greatest piece of music journalism ever written
“[She] sped away on a utility cart and I did not see her again for the duration of the event.”
The Postal Service wants to become an ad agency
This is what happens when the government convinces itself it’s a business.
Earth is hell, but space isn’t heaven
Classic NASA art showcases a vision of the future that isn’t exactly inviting.
Unsealed FBI documents detail Roger Stone’s Watergate-era dirty tricks
Stone specialized in undermining Richard Nixon’s opponents on the left.
Government watchdog concludes FEMA wasn’t ready for last year’s hurricane season
No shit.
Phony Neo-Nazi propaganda may have inspired the Louisiana State Police to investigate Antifa
Either that, or there’s a whole lot of racists in the Louisiana State Police Department.
Snitching-ass startup raises $10 million to privatize the surveillance state
Flock Security is looking to capitalize on suburban fear.
With Return of the Trill, Bun B raps to heal a broken city
The southern hip-hop icon’s new record is dedicated to his hometown of Port Arthur, Texas, as it still struggles to recover from Hurricane Harvey.
Inbred super-pythons are slithering amok in South Florida
Meet the “Florida Man” of reptiles.
There might be constitutional limits to the Space Force
One respected legal scholar is pretty sure America isn’t allowed to unilaterally fight aliens in space.
Stephen Miller owns stock in exactly one company, and that company is Disney
OF COURSE the child-fascist of the Trump administration would be drawn to a company started by a fascist who made entertainment for children.
The New York Public Library is turning classic novels into Instagram Stories
The first title in their initiative is Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.
Bitcoin mining now accounts for almost one percent of the world’s energy consumption
That’s more electricity than it takes to power Ohio or New York State.
Apple might be making us switch cords soon
“These connector inserts may be reliable, have an attractive appearance, and be readily manufactured.”
The government is basically giving away this historic lighthouse
It would honestly be cheaper to buy this thing than a tiny house.
Wait, it only costs $195 a night to stay at Mar-A-Lago?
Does Mar-A-Lago actually suck? (Probably.)
Justice Department: Facebook is a content creator, not a platform
The revolution will not be a status update.
Google wants to help your boss spy on you
Please don’t let this be the future of work.
Need a celebrity endorsement for your bullshit company?
There’s an app for that.
Elon Musk, the new king of debt
Tesla is nearly $10 billion in debt and Elon Musk is buying Tesla stock using loans he got by putting up shares of Tesla stock as collateral. What the hell is going on here?
Nike’s copyright-protection team is basically the cops
The sneaker giant recently worked directly with the NYPD and ICE to bust a bootleg Air Jordan ring.
Thought experiment: What if the meteor that exploded over Greenland was actually the work of aliens?
There is literally zero evidence to suggest this is the case, but it’s a fun possibility to consider.
Why did Elon Musk stash a quarter-billion dollars of Tesla stock in a non-profit back in 2016?
It could be a coincidence, but, uh, it probably isn’t a coincidence.
Peter Saville gave Burberry the same all-caps logo he gave Calvin Klein a year ago
Pop quiz: Which of these logos wasn’t designed by Peter Saville?
The Feds can look at our shit whenever they want
Why a computer scientist whose search history showed he was committing insider trading should make us all concerned about our internet privacy.
The Postal Service is desperately trying to appeal to millennials
But rather than telling advertisers to send coupons to young people, they should probably just turn post offices into banks.
Get a glimpse of futurism that critiqued the future
The Italian radical architecture movement was WILD in the ’70s.
Immerse yourself in Fractal Fantasy’s interactive audiovisual extravaganza
Prepare to have your mind blown straight out of your butt.
Lonely, anxious narcissists are at high risk of Facebook addiction
Yet more evidence that no one should use Facebook ever.
Norman Dawn’s hundred year-old special effects look even more magical today
There was a certain freedom in the days of early film — with no set rulebook to follow, production designers were free to create their own worlds.
You know nothing about your dog
And who are you to even “own” a dog, anyway?
Vintage Russian circus ads are unexpectedly trippy
Prepare to swing off the trapeze of the mind and into... The Twilight Zone.
The FTC has taken Uber‘s money and is giving it to Uber drivers
As it struggles to turn a profit, the ride-sharing service’s legal and public-relations woes are still compounding.
Electric cars were cooler in the ’70s
Eat your heart out, Elon Musk.
Working out in the morning makes you healthier
Working out in the evening makes you happier.
Facebook donates a shit-ton of money to Republicans
Over half of the tech giant’s largest political contributions have gone to the GOP.
Rand Paul is mad as hell about sexed-up, coked-out quails
If Rand Paul were a true Libertarian, he would let the quails fuck in peace.
Dogs might be happier when they’re free
Look at that dog. It is riding a tricycle away from human oppression.
Old cell phones > new cell phones
If nothing else, cell phones used to look way weirder than they do now.
The next few months are going to be hot as shit
The NOAA projects we’re in for an extremely hot next few months, and an even hotter next few years.
New study suggests it’s possible to never die
(As long as you live until you’re 105 and have really good luck after that.)
Big Dogs, welcome to the resistance
The legacy novelty t-shirt company is tired of freakin’ alternative facts!!!
Jordan Belfort’s Facebook page is absolutely baffling
It seems the real-life Wolf of Wall Street has rebranded as the Wolf of SuccessWin Street.
David Lynch has directed some INSANE commercials over the years
Not the rats! Not the rats!!!!
We’ve come up with the wildest ‘Westworld’ conspiracy theory of them all
(The views expressed in this post are a parody of actual ‘Westworld’ conspiracy theories, of which there are many.)
Artist László Zsolt Bordos digitally renders the fragility of memory
His new exhibit is titled, fittingly enough, MEMORIES.
We found the scariest picture of Steve Bannon ever taken
At last, confirmation that Steve Bannon is a military hell-vampire.
Behold, Lebron James and Werner Herzog as one
“We must be alert, and wear our home camouflage shorts so that we are not seen on the court.”
— LeBron “Werner Herzog” James
Play Toilet Tycoon, the game where you literally put your economy in the toilet
After nearly 12 years, this game is still a perfect metaphor for capitalism.
As overall teen tobacco use declines, the proportion of vaping teens rises
Seriously though, if you’re a teenage reader of The Outline, please only put air in your lungs.
Play a wonderfully insane text-based frog simulator
The most beautiful game is Beautiful Frog.
Oh God, they’re putting religion on the blockchain
Is 0xΩ actually a new faith, or is it a warning of the crypto hell that awaits?
Trump lawyer Jay Sekulow is in a legal pissing match with a Satanist
It goes without saying that we’re Team Satan on this one.
The wonders of space, as drawn by Italian schooldren
Kids rule.
We spend more time on our phones than ever
And almost six hours a day online.
Read Sean Spicer’s farewell email to the White House staff
Powerful shitheads: They send disingenuous sign-off emails just like the rest of us!
Kanye West isn’t cool again just because he threw a party in the woods
The media’s sharp reversal from burying Kanye to hyping his new album shows how seemingly hard stances can slide into the oblivion of the feed.
A group of Bitcoin nerds are trying to secede from America
Move to Bitcointopia, capital of a made-up country where everything’s on the blockchain and all the cops are drones.
The Department of Defense has used Google products for years
Why are Google’s employees only getting upset about it now?
Scott Pruitt’s EPA is wasting a lot of money while ruining the environment
A new report reveals the number of times the agency has ignored recommendations for saving money and improving public safety.
Look at some trippy, Hubble Telescope-inspired art
Clearly, space art is the best art.
The Intellectual Dark Web goes to Washington
Bret Weinstein got to go in front of Congress and talk to some of the most powerful people in the nation about how he’s being oppressed by woke college kids.
NASA is basically trying to get hacked
Then again, the government could just give NASA the sort of budget they need to develop their own technology, and this problem would no longer exist.
Listen to vintage episodes of the greatest hip-hop radio show of all time
The Stretch Armstrong and Bobbito show lives on in the Internet Archive.
The world’s only pro-gun coffee tastes like burnt dirt
In these fraught times, it is not worth abandoning your political principles for even a sip of Black Rifle Coffee Company’s mediocre, Sean Hannity-endorsed java.
Don’t say Tommy Chong is the face of your weed company unless you’re Tommy Chong
The same week Tommy Chong gave an interview about his weed brand, a company got in trouble with the SEC for pretending to be his weed brand.
How do you fix a broken city?
These might not add up to full-on revolution, but hey, they’re a start.
You can now read thousands of complaints from people who got scammed on Match.com
PSA: It is not normal when your internet crush asks you to wire them money.
Old-School Texas Instruments books are a treasure trove of great graphic design
Love to master the TI-99 with my golden sword.
Cheaper paper won’t fix the news
A new bill proposes fixing our very broken media in the dumbest way possible.
The weirdest Donald Trump story from the Trump Tower hearings
Turns out Donald Trump loves listening to rap songs about himself.
New data suggests America treats the elderly like shit
It’s Mother’s Day. Please call your grandma and tell her how much you love her.
The Rajneeshees have a wild wild response to ‘Wild Wild Country’
“This was a U.S. government conspiracy, from the White House on down, aimed at thwarting Osho’s vision.”
Life at Antarctica’s IceCube lab seems strange and beautiful
And also very, very cold.
America’s landfills may be completely full in just 13 years
We could be headed towards a trash reckoning.
Ken Jennings wants you to buy a duck
The ‘Jeopardy’ champion and author talks about his new book ‘Planet Funny’, how looking things up on our phones changes who we are as people, and what it’s like to lose at trivia to a supercomputer.
A man named Sexy Vegan is running for president
He’s got a face tattoo, wears Speedos in public, and once got kicked off Dr. Phil for using excessive profanity.
The new Robin Hood movie will not be as good as ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’
But maybe it will be so bad that Hollywood stops making the same movies over and over again.
Listen to the world’s ambient sounds filtered through Brian Eno’s Oblique Strategies
A psychedlic global tour for your ears.
Someone who is not Elon Musk has trademarked the name “Elon Musk”
For now, the hyper-famous entrepreneur cannot sell t-shirts with his own name on them.
A pair of children’s smartwatch companies are in trouble for spying on kids
Products from Gator and Tinitell have been collecting kids’ data without obtaining parental permission.
America is firing workers faster than it’s hiring them
This hasn’t happened since the Great Recession.
The chocolate industry still relies on child labor
A new report on the ethics of the cocoa supply chain will make you swallow your sweet tooth.
Facebook’s new commercial becomes an anti-Facebook PSA when you add a choir covering “Creep”
Ironically, the cover is from ‘The Social Network’ soundtrack.
These old-school Dutch designs are a nice reminder that living in the future could have sucked less
We could all hanging out in this cool hole in the ground right now!
Here’s an interactive map of all the crimes committed during Coachella Week
In the Palm Springs, festival season is also robbing season.
But have you like, REALLY looked at the earth?
* Hits bong*
Listen to more Method Man
It’s 4/21, the day after 4/20, so you should listen to Method Man’s ‘4:21... The Day After’.
Alabama deserves better than being America’s toilet
Playing host to a train full of New York’s poop was just the latest environmental injustice inflicted upon the state.
Drug tax stamps are a thing
But the only people buying them aren’t drug dealers, they’re stamp collectors.
More like “United Stathes of America”
At last, it’s Jason Statham’s time to shine.
Rest in peace to Art Bell, the man who made the paranormal normal
The iconic host of ‘Coast to Coast A.M.’ died on Friday the 13th.
The public shaming of Mark Zuckerberg
The Facebook founder’s congressional hearings strongly resembled torture techniques straight out of the 1800s.
The Republicans are screwed in the 2018 midterms
And Paul Ryan’s retirement proves it.
See how the opioid crisis has impacted Appalachia
Appalachia, rates of poverty, disability, and education all correlate with overdose rates.
The family dynamic, presented in a never-ending series of pop-up windows
Ryan Kuo’s “Family Maker” denaturalizes the digital.
“Salmonella Kratom” and “Rat Poison K2” are two more reasons to go ahead and legalize weed
Two stories about contaminated batches of grey-market substances show that sometimes, it’s safer to go with the real thing.
Scott Pruitt’s EPA is trying to hobble the entity that’s currently investigating Scott Pruitt
Around the time the EPA’s Office of Inspector General opened up an investigation into Pruit’s lavish travel spending, the EPA started lobbying to reduce the IG’s budget.
Donald Trump and Kim Jong-Un should play golf along the DMZ
Thanks to the landmine-lined golf hole at Camp Bonifas, this is actually a thing that could happen.
Please enjoy Guy Fieri’s magical Hawaiian vacation
Flavortown is in your heart.
The Smithsonian’s Burning Man exhibit is awesome...
If you’re a rich tech idiot with no taste.
The government has a Flickr album devoted to giant killer snails
Feast your eyes upon the husks of the shittiest snails in the universe.
Cambridge Analytica is bad, but Palantir is fucking terrifying
With its vehicle tracking software, the company Peter Thiel co-founded knows you ran that red light.
Wait, are we supposed to call Mark Zuckerberg “Mr. ZL” now?
Zuck has officially broken new ground in the field of public self-shaming.
Pets have been dying on United Airlines flights for years
It took a dog dying in an overhead compartment for the airline to decide to do something about it.
Achieve your dream of looking at a 3D pizza on your phone
And while you’re at it, feast your eyes on a 3D donut. And a 3D loaf of bread.
Nobody wants to listen to Spotify’s “self-driving music”
Instead, they just want to see the names of the people who made the damn song.
The military isn’t ready for war in space
So it might start a fund to invest in private space companies.
Pro golfers are gigantic babies
The P.G.A. has a real-life trolling problem that it’s only making worse.
What’s up with all the buried treasure lately?
The earth has grown tired of hosting our puny yellow rocks.
An extremely pointless law is about to ban public officials from spending taxpayer money on paintings of themselves
It’s called — wait for it — the “EGO Act.”
Further proof that Scientology is extremely lame
Nobody gives a shit about your Instagram “epic art wall,” dude.
Friendly reminder, there’s a bunch of extremely cool NASA stuff on the Internet Archive
Also, sorry in advance for sending you into an internet black hole.
Connecticut has declared war on coyotes
But the state’s proposal to allow night hunting of the animals just might make its coyote problem worse.
Sadly, Martin Shkreli didn’t get scammed into paying $2 million for a fake Wu-Tang Clan album
But happily, Martin Shkreli now has to give up the only copy of a real Wu-Tang Clan album that he paid $2 million for!
Uber is contesting the MIT study that found their drivers make less than minimum wage before taxes
But they’re not talking about how Uber encourages its drivers to declare a loss on those taxes.
A new court ruling could provide more protection for the homeless
A Washington state judge has found that if you live in your car, then your car is your home, and that the police can’t impound your home.
Silicon Valley now thinks starving yourself will make you more productive
Cold showers, too.
Sorry Barbra Streisand, it’s weird to clone your dog
Cloning your dead pet only sets you up for disappointment.
The NRA is just openly trolling at this point
They would like you to know that they are extremely Not Mad; however, they are in fact Very Mad.
The aliens will probably think we’re too dumb to kill
This is existentially comforting when you think about it.
An ambient sound app is using archival audio to plug you back into nature
The Environments app takes the legendary field recordings of Irv Teibel and presents them in the chillest possible context.
Trump Organization execs are holed up in Trump Tower Panama shredding documents
Facing eviction and trailed by allegations of money laundering, a group of Trump Hotel executives are physically barring the hotel’s ownership group from kicking them out.
The political power of doubt
We live in a state of anger and confusion over exactly what Russia did or didn’t do to get Donald Trump elected. That might just be exactly what they were going for.
Artifact-sniffing dogs are coming to stop you from selling that sacred statue
If you're a drug dog who happens to be reading our site right now, maybe consider changing careers?
If the Space Tesla crashes into the Earth, Elon Musk should have to clean it up
Over the next million years, there’s a six percent chance that the Tesla launched into the solar system will come back and hit the planet. That's low, but it’s still way too high.
Alaska runs on bear shit
New research suggests that seeds spread by defecating bears are vital to the Alaskan ecosystem.
In 2016, “Putin’s chef” tried to erase himself from the Russian internet. Then he was indicted by Robert Mueller.
The Russian oligarch Yevengy Prigozhin sued to de-index news stories about his connection to a Russian “troll farm” just as the company was stepping up its attempts to interfere in the 2016 election.
Red Gerard makes me feel okay about the future
Last night, the 17-year-old became America’s first gold medalist at the PyeongChang Olympics.
Takashi Miike has made over 100 movies and still feels lazy
The prolific Japanese director discusses the nature of creativity and the power of play.
This Valentine’s Day, surprise your bog love with a time hug
These neural network-generated candy heart messages are lovably insane.
Every time you forget your password an angel gets its wings
Sitting by as all of the passwords slowly leak out of my brain has been strangely liberating.
All I need in this life of sin...
Is my AlphaSmart 3000.
The Instagram piano man
Instagram is the best social network, because that is the one that hip-hop producer Scott Storch posts videos of himself playing piano on.
The schlubbiest bad boy in golf
Pat Perez is a wine-swilling, meme-friendly sensation... who also loves Trump.
We believe Tom DeLonge, who quit blink-182 to prove aliens exist
Proof that the truth is out there is more important than pop-punk.
