Mark Zuckerberg would like you to know that he is very, very, very, very sorry that Facebook spent years playing fast and loose with your personal data, and that as a result, your personal data probably ended up falling into the hands of Cambridge Analytica, who in turn did some sketchy stuff with it. He has said sorry to you in The New York Times, and he has said sorry to you on CNN. Today, Mark Zuckerberg took out full-page ads in several major newspapers and used the ad space as yet another opportunity to tell you how sorry he is.

Facebook took out full page ads in the NYT, WSJ, WashPost, and 6 UK papers today https://t.co/kMA822kTpUpic.twitter.com/CUEYwyWuTT

— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) March 25, 2018

I don’t really care about Facebook, because Facebook is for old people. What I am interested in, though, is what the hell’s going on with Mark Zuckerberg’s signature. Computer — enhance!

Enhance.

ENHANCE!

So, like, is Zuck just gonna go by “Mr. ZL” from now on? I get that the guy feels bad, but how much shame does a person have to feel to want to change their name and start life anew? I used to think the answer to that question was probably hidden in some Philip Roth novel I haven’t read, but maybe the answer is actually a piece of data that Mark Zuckerberg (aka Mr. ZL) alone possesses, secreted away in the deepest depths of his soul. Or, maybe he just has really sloppy handwriting. Whatever, he’s officially Mr. ZL in my book.